IT’S HIS WIFE’S MONEY, THE SEX OF IT POPPED, THE BABY’S SHRIEK RUBBER, THE NARROWER, NARROWER,
THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED SHIVA BABY WAS ON THE TOP OF A NIGHT NOT SLEPT, VIOLINS PLUCKING MY SCALP. DANIELLE, COLLEGE STUDENT, DABBLING IN SEX WORK, SHIVA WITH HER PARENTS: “WAIT! WHO DIED?”
YOU THINK YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, AND THEN THERE IS EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER KNOWN YOU. TORN EYE CAROUSEL, SLOW KNOWING CHEWED AT THE JOWLS. A MACARONI SALAD KIND OF SHAPE.
BABY SHRIEKING, EVERYONE PINCHING, ASKING DANIELLE, SO, YOUR PLANS?, PLASTIC FORK, CROUTON DETRITUS, NAIL STICKING OUT FROM, TIGHTS TEARING, EYES — (YOU WERE JUST A CHILD, YOU WERE TRYING THINGS, IT USED TO BE ENOUGH THAT YOUR MOTHER LOVED YOU) —
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, YOU SLIP INTO CHOICE, SOME DOUBT KNOCKS INTO: YOU’RE ALONE ON THE COURT. WHAT WASTE YOU’VE BECOME, BABY SHRIEK, NOT REALIZING HOW MANY PEOPLE’S SELF CONCEPT WAS CONTINGENT UPON YOUR ACTUALIZATION LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING SPECIFIC.
HER EX, MAYA, ACROSS THE SHRINKING ROOM, NEAT, LOVED, (GOING TO LAW SCHOOL), BLOOD ON THE THIGH, TUCK OF THE EAR, UNNAMED RELATION, TUCK OF THE EAR—
GIVE US A SECOND. LET US NOT BE SEEN FOR A YEAR. SECTIONS OF SELF WIPED — SWATHES. THIS IS NOT WHO I WANT TO BE. THIS IS NOT. THIS IS — I WAS 40 WITH A DEAD MOTHER WHO I NEEDED STILL.
DISCOMFORT IS WHERE THE SELF IS MADE, I TELL MYSELF, REDUCED TO THE YOU YOU BECOME IN THE BACKSEAT. FINGERNAIL FLINCH, ON THE BRINK OF THE BRINK OF. DRAGGING THE GLASS, BABY THE SHRIEK THROUGH THE FUNERAL PRAYER.
MAYA’S SIMPLE EXCITEMENT TO SEE DANIELLE PARTS (THE SKY SLANTS) THE HEGEMONY OF THE SPIN OF THIS WORLD. RIGHT, OKAY, YES, THIS WORLD: THERE ARE OTHERS. (OTHER SYSTEMS OF REWARD, OTHER SHAME.) YES, OKAY. RIGHT. HER EYES. SLOW DISLODGING. (SO FULL THAT BELIEF-STATE, BENT RED ALL AROUND ME.)
.
DANIELLE, SHRINKING PORES SHRIEKING, TRYING, LIKE ANY BABY, TO FEEL IN CONTROL, PEELS OFF HER TIGHTS, UNBUCKLES HIS BELT, KISSES HER MOUTH, PAPER PLATE DROOL, GLASS IN MY HANDS, HANDS IN MY GLASS, MY BROTHER SHARES WITH ME CHOCOLATE, THERE IS STILL SO MUCH TO DO.
IT’S HIS WIFE’S MONEY, THE SEX OF IT POPPED, THE BABY’S SHRIEK RUBBER, THE NARROWER, NARROWER,
THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED SHIVA BABY WAS ON THE TOP OF A NIGHT NOT SLEPT, VIOLINS PLUCKING MY SCALP. DANIELLE, COLLEGE STUDENT, DABBLING IN SEX WORK, SHIVA WITH HER PARENTS: “WAIT! WHO DIED?”
YOU THINK YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, AND THEN THERE IS EVERYONE WHO HAS EVER KNOWN YOU. TORN EYE CAROUSEL, SLOW KNOWING CHEWED AT THE JOWLS. A MACARONI SALAD KIND OF SHAPE.
BABY SHRIEKING, EVERYONE PINCHING, ASKING DANIELLE, SO, YOUR PLANS?, PLASTIC FORK, CROUTON DETRITUS, NAIL STICKING OUT FROM, TIGHTS TEARING, EYES — (YOU WERE JUST A CHILD, YOU WERE TRYING THINGS, IT USED TO BE ENOUGH THAT YOUR MOTHER LOVED YOU) —
YOU HAVE YOUR OWN LIFE, YOU SLIP INTO CHOICE, SOME DOUBT KNOCKS INTO: YOU’RE ALONE ON THE COURT. WHAT WASTE YOU’VE BECOME, BABY SHRIEK, NOT REALIZING HOW MANY PEOPLE’S SELF CONCEPT WAS CONTINGENT UPON YOUR ACTUALIZATION LOOKING LIKE SOMETHING SPECIFIC.
HER EX, MAYA, ACROSS THE SHRINKING ROOM, NEAT, LOVED, (GOING TO LAW SCHOOL), BLOOD ON THE THIGH, TUCK OF THE EAR, UNNAMED RELATION, TUCK OF THE EAR—
GIVE US A SECOND. LET US NOT BE SEEN FOR A YEAR. SECTIONS OF SELF WIPED — SWATHES. THIS IS NOT WHO I WANT TO BE. THIS IS NOT. THIS IS — I WAS 40 WITH A DEAD MOTHER WHO I NEEDED STILL.
DISCOMFORT IS WHERE THE SELF IS MADE, I TELL MYSELF, REDUCED TO THE YOU YOU BECOME IN THE BACKSEAT. FINGERNAIL FLINCH, ON THE BRINK OF THE BRINK OF. DRAGGING THE GLASS, BABY THE SHRIEK THROUGH THE FUNERAL PRAYER.
MAYA’S SIMPLE EXCITEMENT TO SEE DANIELLE PARTS (THE SKY SLANTS) THE HEGEMONY OF THE SPIN OF THIS WORLD. RIGHT, OKAY, YES, THIS WORLD: THERE ARE OTHERS. (OTHER SYSTEMS OF REWARD, OTHER SHAME.) YES, OKAY. RIGHT. HER EYES. SLOW DISLODGING. (SO FULL THAT BELIEF-STATE, BENT RED ALL AROUND ME.)
.
DANIELLE, SHRINKING PORES SHRIEKING, TRYING, LIKE ANY BABY, TO FEEL IN CONTROL, PEELS OFF HER TIGHTS, UNBUCKLES HIS BELT, KISSES HER MOUTH, PAPER PLATE DROOL, GLASS IN MY HANDS, HANDS IN MY GLASS, MY BROTHER SHARES WITH ME CHOCOLATE, THERE IS STILL SO MUCH TO DO.