Vanderpump Rules

I’ll open Pandora’s box

anybody can push play on a laptop

I had no friends, I was isolated

I feel like I’m part of a science project right now

it’s like the devil just shat me out

social situations, always

keep your distance

just get me a fucking lobotomy

we went through a no-sex phase

funky hair, with like, pizzazz

sick, sad, little world about to go up in flames

I’ve taken up reading books

I don’t know if I’m cut out for this whole work thing

it’s amazing what I accomplish now

like, die alone with a bunch of cats sad

I’m literally questioning, like, everything

Hanky, my swan, hasn’t been well

I’m very vulnerable, and I’m so sensitive

and I can’t cry because these lashes are mink

I don’t want to wake up for a good two days

a psychological problem

sounds like a poem to me, mate

why am I such a douche?

she just seemed like she was out of control of herself

like, she was seriously ready to have a mental breakdown

the only thing that I have holding me back right now

is that I have self-respect and dignity

my mouth is literally everything to me

I’m a thinker

I think crystals can do a lot of good for people

I’ve done a lot of research on crystal therapy

one crystal therapy session is equivalent

to ten actual therapy sessions, so I’m down

I am humbled to be in your energy

I’m dressing a dog with alopecia

I said you’re being a selfish bitch

I thought what you did was bitchy and selfish

so I said exactly how I felt

she doesn’t want to be challenged ever

when she has a feeling, ‘cause that’s her feeling

and that’s what matters most

are there unicorns in this fantasy world you live in?

do you know how annoying it is to hear about your sweater line?

oh, I think I described it as, like, poetic almost

do you have a message?

sexy, party, drinking, hot, fun

somewhere along the line she had a shame-ectomy

that part of her has just been like, amputated

that’s who I am, that’s who I will be

a cheerleader basically has the same job as a pop star

a sad soul that’s desperate for something

everyone wants to know if you can freak, bitch

mouth is everything

I take the job as seriously as the job is

gay it up, okay, let’s gay it up, we hoes

I’d like to assume that guys still look at me

it’s like, I’m so vain that I would like to think

that I still have it

you want to gang bang all our boyfriends?

this is, like, my last opportunity to really be

the center of attention for a while

it’s just enough to hold me over and keep the shakes away

every guy is a master at looking at women without getting caught

that’s why they invented sunglasses

heteronormative fucking bullshit

I can describe his small, shaved penis

it’s extremely sticky, has a really pungent smell

a stinky foot is like a fine cheese

they’re in my mouth right off the bat

you know what’s a good cure for thinking someone’s fabulous?

I understand I’m very privileged

when it comes down to it, I’m neutral for my own well-being

and I have enough money, but I don’t have enough time

I hope you feel stupid, I hope you feel stupid

if you don’t fight, then you’re not in love

there are signs everywhere that children painted

regardless if I know them, I saw something

and I’m going to say something that I saw

and this is some Caligula shit going on here, so why not?

I’m about to kill me some rich bitches

like, the worst version of a person

that humanity has to offer

like, off with your heads

blow them up with C4

flush ‘em down the toilet

let’s get it popping, daddy

I’m the zombie princess, we’re building forts

when are the good people gonna come out on top?

hopefully, you get out alive

but also, heavy drinking – it’s the glue

in this like, bubble of disgustingness

maybe, like, a lobotomy might help

underneath, you’re getting prettier

I know for damn sure that I’m not basic

or the biggest truth teller on Earth

I’ve come crystal clear clean

I am the most powerful bitch in the world

so it offends me when people think

that they can just... do it

I mean, it’s a brutal poetry